Yup that's me. Today I turned 35. The thought of getting older doesn't scare me, although I do wish my boobs were a bit higher than they are currently located, but meh - I've had 4 kids out of this body its definitely going to have some damaged parts.
I was a bit down in the days leading up to my birthday, my mum had gone down the coast to visit my aunty and uncle (because my step dad wanted to take a trip away) and I thought it was typical that he would take her away right when its my birthday and it means another year gone that I don't get to see her because the other years I have been in Tasmania and couldn't spend time with her.
But - much to my utter delight - she appeared at my door this arvo - taking me completely by surprise. Everyone kept it a secret from me.
As someone who normally hates surprises - today was awesome.
And the icing on the cake? I'm wearing a NIN t-shirt that I couldn't fit into when I was in Tassie. Losing weight is freakin' awesome man.
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Monday, 21 May 2012
A not so negative post
Since my last post was somewhat negative, I thought I would come in and say some positive things so people don't think that I hate my family ;)
Sparrow - well what can I say about my little sparrow. He is SO clever. His teacher told me on the weekend that he is doing so well with his reading that she will move him up to the next level in the books that he brings home to read every week. He gets his smarts from me obviously ;) I also love the way he is so very affectionate towards me - and absolutely loves to have kisses all over his face. He also adores The Baby, and the bond that they have is a beautiful thing to watch.
Coo - today Coo did a poo in the toilet, instead of the typical one she does in her undies every day. I'm so very proud of her, even if she thinks it is nothing, and just casually announces she's done a poo in there. I love the way she is beginning to listen to me and tries to help herself, instead of standing there squealing like she used to do all the time. She is also starting to be less rough with her siblings during the day, which is most awesome.
Speedy - ahhh Speedy. Such a funny little girl, she is brave and independent and wants to give everything a go. She's the first to try something new to eat and is so very nice to cuddle up to in bed of a night time. Still very much a baby at 2.5 but tries hard to be a big girl.
The Baby - the one that keeps me up at night, but has the most beautiful spirit. I still can't believe that I helped create her, she is just amazing and makes me smile every day. Newly walking, she's proving to be quite a stubborn soul and wants to do everything her way. She just rocks and I'm so glad that I talked Elf Man into having another baby, even if she wasn't quite what I expected.
Elf Man and I are trying to change our parenting style, we don't like the yelling/screaming thing we currently have going on to try and get them to do what we want, and we are reading books and websites and blogs to help to change this - even though we have been parents for 5 years, we are still learning about the type of parent that we want to be and how best this will benefit our children.
To be the best for our children we have to change ourselves and the way we approach things. We both need to learn to be more respectful, more tolerant, more accepting. Its hard, but changing something is better than changing nothing and realising 40 years down the track that you should have changed things when you had the chance.
Sparrow - well what can I say about my little sparrow. He is SO clever. His teacher told me on the weekend that he is doing so well with his reading that she will move him up to the next level in the books that he brings home to read every week. He gets his smarts from me obviously ;) I also love the way he is so very affectionate towards me - and absolutely loves to have kisses all over his face. He also adores The Baby, and the bond that they have is a beautiful thing to watch.
Coo - today Coo did a poo in the toilet, instead of the typical one she does in her undies every day. I'm so very proud of her, even if she thinks it is nothing, and just casually announces she's done a poo in there. I love the way she is beginning to listen to me and tries to help herself, instead of standing there squealing like she used to do all the time. She is also starting to be less rough with her siblings during the day, which is most awesome.
Speedy - ahhh Speedy. Such a funny little girl, she is brave and independent and wants to give everything a go. She's the first to try something new to eat and is so very nice to cuddle up to in bed of a night time. Still very much a baby at 2.5 but tries hard to be a big girl.
The Baby - the one that keeps me up at night, but has the most beautiful spirit. I still can't believe that I helped create her, she is just amazing and makes me smile every day. Newly walking, she's proving to be quite a stubborn soul and wants to do everything her way. She just rocks and I'm so glad that I talked Elf Man into having another baby, even if she wasn't quite what I expected.
Elf Man and I are trying to change our parenting style, we don't like the yelling/screaming thing we currently have going on to try and get them to do what we want, and we are reading books and websites and blogs to help to change this - even though we have been parents for 5 years, we are still learning about the type of parent that we want to be and how best this will benefit our children.
To be the best for our children we have to change ourselves and the way we approach things. We both need to learn to be more respectful, more tolerant, more accepting. Its hard, but changing something is better than changing nothing and realising 40 years down the track that you should have changed things when you had the chance.
Friday, 18 May 2012
Some days are just hard
Some days as a stay at home mum are hard. Most people don't understand it, they think I should feel extremely blessed and honoured to be able to stay at home with my babies to watch them grow. Some of the time that is true, but the real honest truth - most of the time it isn't.
Some days, like today, are hard. But it seems like we can't complain about it, or else we are judged. Well, I'm complaining.
If I was at work and I had a shit day, I would be allowed to complain about it. I bet nobody would say oh, but you are so lucky to have a job to complain about. But it seems with children that you can't complain about how hard they are, because you are being ungrateful for what you have been given.
I challenge anyone to spend a day in my life and deal with the crap that is thrown at me all the time and not get a little frustrated.
And I say crap, because it is crap. I don't really care who judges me on my parenting any more, because I'm not going to make anyone happy with the way that I do it. Either I'm too hard or I'm too bloody soft, but fuck it, the kids are screwed up and I'm doing a fucked up job.
Things build up from the moment I open my eyes and the kids are either all whinging in my bed about who is their daddy (my daddy, no its MY daddy, NO ITS MY DADDY, fucking fantastic at 6am), or 10 minutes later about the colour of their sippy cup. Nobody wants to give in and just take a cup, everyone has a specific colour they want, and if its not available all hell breaks loose. All before 6.30am. This isn't just one child complaining - this is 3. No doubt it will be 4 when the baby develops a certain preference for colour.
Then you have the fighting, teasing, hitting - then the food wars. My most hated phrase at the moment? I'm hungry. I hear it all. fucking. day. Doesn't matter if they have just eaten, they'll come out while they are still eating and say they are hungry. Then they will take a piece of fruit, have a few bites, and then chuck it if they notice their sibling grabbing some other type of fruit that looks better than what they have.
So thats breakfast finished. So its about.. oooh.. 8am?
I think its ok to say that most days, I don't enjoy what I'm living at the moment. I'm trying to - I really am - but I don't want to be the screaming/yelling mum, and its so easy to revert back to that since thats all I have been around for most of my life. If you don't know different, its hard to see it in a different way.
We have our most hated times in the day - mine has to be the after school pick up. I hate it with all the four kids - I have Speedy refusing to get into the pram in the first place but I can't let her go free, last time I did that she ran across the road without looking because she was running away from me. So I have to fight to put her in there. I have to fight with Coo about her shoes, they are uncomfortable, her feet hurt, wait I need to pick a flower - all little things to get on my nerves while I'm rushing to Sparrow's classroom. Not her fault I know that, but this happens every single day. So I don't have a lot of patience to deal with it. Then once I have Sparrow, the girls run off and want to play on the equipment. Then its a fight to get Speedy back into the pram. Then a fight to get all kids into the car, nobody seems to like sitting in their car seat.
Some days - everything is hard. Everything is harder than it really should be. Everything is harder than I expected it to be, even the fucking garage door is screwing me over at the moment with its refusal to open most of the time with the remote. Today the car door decided to not open for me as well.
All these little things add up and of a night time I wonder what the hell I am doing, I must be doing something wrong or every one else is just exaggerating about how much they really enjoy their days at home with their kids.
Cos with a 5 year old, nearly 4 year old, 2.5 year old and 14 month old - it really sucks most days.
But thats right - I can't complain, I have to be grateful for what I have been given. I am grateful, I just wish at least ONE of my FOUR children would sleep through the night, go to bed on their own, or do what is asked the first ten times I ask......
Some days, like today, are hard. But it seems like we can't complain about it, or else we are judged. Well, I'm complaining.
If I was at work and I had a shit day, I would be allowed to complain about it. I bet nobody would say oh, but you are so lucky to have a job to complain about. But it seems with children that you can't complain about how hard they are, because you are being ungrateful for what you have been given.
I challenge anyone to spend a day in my life and deal with the crap that is thrown at me all the time and not get a little frustrated.
And I say crap, because it is crap. I don't really care who judges me on my parenting any more, because I'm not going to make anyone happy with the way that I do it. Either I'm too hard or I'm too bloody soft, but fuck it, the kids are screwed up and I'm doing a fucked up job.
Things build up from the moment I open my eyes and the kids are either all whinging in my bed about who is their daddy (my daddy, no its MY daddy, NO ITS MY DADDY, fucking fantastic at 6am), or 10 minutes later about the colour of their sippy cup. Nobody wants to give in and just take a cup, everyone has a specific colour they want, and if its not available all hell breaks loose. All before 6.30am. This isn't just one child complaining - this is 3. No doubt it will be 4 when the baby develops a certain preference for colour.
Then you have the fighting, teasing, hitting - then the food wars. My most hated phrase at the moment? I'm hungry. I hear it all. fucking. day. Doesn't matter if they have just eaten, they'll come out while they are still eating and say they are hungry. Then they will take a piece of fruit, have a few bites, and then chuck it if they notice their sibling grabbing some other type of fruit that looks better than what they have.
So thats breakfast finished. So its about.. oooh.. 8am?
I think its ok to say that most days, I don't enjoy what I'm living at the moment. I'm trying to - I really am - but I don't want to be the screaming/yelling mum, and its so easy to revert back to that since thats all I have been around for most of my life. If you don't know different, its hard to see it in a different way.
We have our most hated times in the day - mine has to be the after school pick up. I hate it with all the four kids - I have Speedy refusing to get into the pram in the first place but I can't let her go free, last time I did that she ran across the road without looking because she was running away from me. So I have to fight to put her in there. I have to fight with Coo about her shoes, they are uncomfortable, her feet hurt, wait I need to pick a flower - all little things to get on my nerves while I'm rushing to Sparrow's classroom. Not her fault I know that, but this happens every single day. So I don't have a lot of patience to deal with it. Then once I have Sparrow, the girls run off and want to play on the equipment. Then its a fight to get Speedy back into the pram. Then a fight to get all kids into the car, nobody seems to like sitting in their car seat.
Some days - everything is hard. Everything is harder than it really should be. Everything is harder than I expected it to be, even the fucking garage door is screwing me over at the moment with its refusal to open most of the time with the remote. Today the car door decided to not open for me as well.
All these little things add up and of a night time I wonder what the hell I am doing, I must be doing something wrong or every one else is just exaggerating about how much they really enjoy their days at home with their kids.
Cos with a 5 year old, nearly 4 year old, 2.5 year old and 14 month old - it really sucks most days.
But thats right - I can't complain, I have to be grateful for what I have been given. I am grateful, I just wish at least ONE of my FOUR children would sleep through the night, go to bed on their own, or do what is asked the first ten times I ask......
Monday, 7 May 2012
I hate being late
I hate being late. I really really hate running late. I remember when I was a little kid and mum was always running late, and I could never understand it. Everywhere we went, mum would greet the person "sorry we're late!" And she still runs late too btw, we always tell her we need her somewhere at least 15 minutes before she actually is needed in the hope she will be there on time.
Anyway, so I've grown up with not wanting to be like her - and it turns out I am like her. But, I swear, its not my fault, its my children and the universe conspiring against me.
The other day I was running late for picking Sparrow up from school. I had picked up my stuff and ready to get in the car on time but of course - Speedy had done a poo and needed to be changed. So I changed her quickly and shoved her and Coo into the car in record time. Then, I had to wake The Baby and surprise surprise - she had done a poo too! So another nappy change, and we're out the door, 5 minutes late.
Then one other day I went to visit my friend. Had my plan in mind, go drop off Sparrow at school, pick up a doll toy from a person in the same suburb, go back home drop off Elf Man and then I'll be up at my friend's house by 10am. Of course, as the universe would have it, Elf Man didn't have the money to give the person, so a side trip to a servo to get petrol as well as extra money, and then back home to drop him off added an extra 15 minutes onto my trip.
And then of course - a family of ducks crossing my street also held me up. Seriously - ducks. Like what the hell universe!! I'm trying not to be my mother and you're making it practically impossible to NOT be like her!!!
So there it is - my name is Mel and I'm a late-aholic. Of course its not my fault, its the children.
Anyway, so I've grown up with not wanting to be like her - and it turns out I am like her. But, I swear, its not my fault, its my children and the universe conspiring against me.
The other day I was running late for picking Sparrow up from school. I had picked up my stuff and ready to get in the car on time but of course - Speedy had done a poo and needed to be changed. So I changed her quickly and shoved her and Coo into the car in record time. Then, I had to wake The Baby and surprise surprise - she had done a poo too! So another nappy change, and we're out the door, 5 minutes late.
Then one other day I went to visit my friend. Had my plan in mind, go drop off Sparrow at school, pick up a doll toy from a person in the same suburb, go back home drop off Elf Man and then I'll be up at my friend's house by 10am. Of course, as the universe would have it, Elf Man didn't have the money to give the person, so a side trip to a servo to get petrol as well as extra money, and then back home to drop him off added an extra 15 minutes onto my trip.
And then of course - a family of ducks crossing my street also held me up. Seriously - ducks. Like what the hell universe!! I'm trying not to be my mother and you're making it practically impossible to NOT be like her!!!
So there it is - my name is Mel and I'm a late-aholic. Of course its not my fault, its the children.
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Step by step
Step by step life is improving.
I can feel the connection growing stronger between the kids and I. Plus, I'm being a better pet parent too - Pepdog has gone on a walk with me (a miracle really!) and I brushed one of the cats today. His fur was so bunched up he had dreads. Yup my cat has cooler hair than me!
My house is cleaner, I'm calmer, exercising a little bit and being a more attentive wife. Well ok, I don't listen enough but I have given him a few massages!
It's amazing how much you can give of yourself without the distractions of other people's problems (that probably sounds much worse than I'm meaning it to!)
Life is pretty good :)
Oh and happy 65th birthday to my mummy today xx
I can feel the connection growing stronger between the kids and I. Plus, I'm being a better pet parent too - Pepdog has gone on a walk with me (a miracle really!) and I brushed one of the cats today. His fur was so bunched up he had dreads. Yup my cat has cooler hair than me!
My house is cleaner, I'm calmer, exercising a little bit and being a more attentive wife. Well ok, I don't listen enough but I have given him a few massages!
It's amazing how much you can give of yourself without the distractions of other people's problems (that probably sounds much worse than I'm meaning it to!)
Life is pretty good :)
Oh and happy 65th birthday to my mummy today xx
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Accepting the blame, accepting the responsibility
I took Coo to the paediatrician the other day, she has some behavioural issues that we didn't know if they were something to be concerned about, if they were a symptom of something more serious, or just a phase.
He basically told me that there was nothing wrong with her that hasn't been caused by me. All her wailing (attention seeking = my fault for having such a lack of attention upon her), abusive behaviour (demonstrating what she sees in our house, even though we are a "gentle hands" home - its our yelling thats the problem) and other issues - all my fault. At first I was really pissed off that I paid $220 to be told that, surely someone could have told me that for free. Then I was really really devastated. What the fuck have I done to my child? Its so hard to model the right parenting towards your child, when you grew up with smacking and yelling - what do you have to go off if you don't grow up with any other example? Elf Man grew up in exactly the same type of house, so he knows no different either.
So I deactivated my facebook profile again. I took a self-ban from BB. I need to focus on my kids, my house, my own self, to monitor myself, to accept that I have done this, but its fixable - if I do something now. I've realised that my kids are fantastic at independent play, but they shouldn't have to be. They should have someone there with them, guiding them, teaching them - its when they go and play independently and I'm not there that they do the "wrong" thing and then get into trouble. But if I was there to guide them the right way before they thought of doing the "wrong" thing - maybe my teachings would have a greater effect on them, than just being happy they don't need me and then yelling at them for doing naughty things. Did I become a parent so I could have a moments peace? Did I become a parent so I could have a cup of tea in silence? Did I become a parent so my house was neat and tidy every second of the day? Did I become a parent so I could say "thank god the kids are playing nicely and leaving me alone"?
No. I didn't become a parent for those reasons, and really, I'm ashamed that I'm happy to be thinking those thoughts. If I'm not there with them, they are raising themselves and who knows what that will lead to in the future.
I need to guide, to teach, they can't learn what is "right" without me. So I accept the blame for the Coo's little quirky behaviour, and I will accept the responsibility to change it. Its way too easy to become selfish and have the "what about me" "where is MY time" - but the fact is - if I wanted that, I shouldn't have had children. If I didn't want the joy of having children (and it is joyful when paying attention to them, because most naughty behaviour is caused when I'm not paying attention) then what the heck am I doing?
So to the doctor with his judgements on my parenting, and to the person on my facebook that says I have too many children and bitches behind my back while pretending to be my friend - fuck you. I will do better, you've given me the motivation to do so, even if its just to prove you wrong.
So if you need me - I'll be building block towers or dressing dolls or colouring in with my kids.
He basically told me that there was nothing wrong with her that hasn't been caused by me. All her wailing (attention seeking = my fault for having such a lack of attention upon her), abusive behaviour (demonstrating what she sees in our house, even though we are a "gentle hands" home - its our yelling thats the problem) and other issues - all my fault. At first I was really pissed off that I paid $220 to be told that, surely someone could have told me that for free. Then I was really really devastated. What the fuck have I done to my child? Its so hard to model the right parenting towards your child, when you grew up with smacking and yelling - what do you have to go off if you don't grow up with any other example? Elf Man grew up in exactly the same type of house, so he knows no different either.
So I deactivated my facebook profile again. I took a self-ban from BB. I need to focus on my kids, my house, my own self, to monitor myself, to accept that I have done this, but its fixable - if I do something now. I've realised that my kids are fantastic at independent play, but they shouldn't have to be. They should have someone there with them, guiding them, teaching them - its when they go and play independently and I'm not there that they do the "wrong" thing and then get into trouble. But if I was there to guide them the right way before they thought of doing the "wrong" thing - maybe my teachings would have a greater effect on them, than just being happy they don't need me and then yelling at them for doing naughty things. Did I become a parent so I could have a moments peace? Did I become a parent so I could have a cup of tea in silence? Did I become a parent so my house was neat and tidy every second of the day? Did I become a parent so I could say "thank god the kids are playing nicely and leaving me alone"?
No. I didn't become a parent for those reasons, and really, I'm ashamed that I'm happy to be thinking those thoughts. If I'm not there with them, they are raising themselves and who knows what that will lead to in the future.
I need to guide, to teach, they can't learn what is "right" without me. So I accept the blame for the Coo's little quirky behaviour, and I will accept the responsibility to change it. Its way too easy to become selfish and have the "what about me" "where is MY time" - but the fact is - if I wanted that, I shouldn't have had children. If I didn't want the joy of having children (and it is joyful when paying attention to them, because most naughty behaviour is caused when I'm not paying attention) then what the heck am I doing?
So to the doctor with his judgements on my parenting, and to the person on my facebook that says I have too many children and bitches behind my back while pretending to be my friend - fuck you. I will do better, you've given me the motivation to do so, even if its just to prove you wrong.
So if you need me - I'll be building block towers or dressing dolls or colouring in with my kids.
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Tea and sympathy
I had a good friend over yesterday for a catch up. I moaned about being fat, how messy my house was, how I should be a better mother and do more with the kids. How I just wasn't happy with these things, and I wanted it to be different, but it was so hard.
And you know what she did? Instead of giving me tea and sympathy like everybody else would because, well, thats what you do right? To make them feel better? You give understanding nods in their direction "oh it must be so difficult with 4", "I don't know how you do it" etc etc - instead - she called me on it. If I want these things to change, I've got to get off my arse and get up and do it. (She didn't say it in those words, but she did go to do my dishes!)
So she grabbed the broom and started sweeping. I started cleaning the kitchen. You get so used to "hosting" someone when they come over, that you forget that its ok to clean and catch up at the same time. That its ok to accept help with housework if the place is a bit messy. So we cleaned together, we chatted together. I cleaned until I realised what the time was and that I needed to pick up Sparrow from school. So she watched the kids for me while I ran up and got him.
She made me realise that even though I sit down every night on the couch and watch tv for a bit of "me" time - I should get on the cross trainer, because, that is ME time. It is working on a better me, so instead of looking at it as just another thing I have to do in this place, its my "me" time and I should be enjoying it instead of dreading it.
With people giving me tea and sympathy - even with Elf Man saying "oh you're not fat" when clearly I freakin' am - it gives me opportunity to have excuses. To give myself a bit of slack. The old "I've just had a baby thats why I'm fat".. NO. NO MEL. My baby is 1 next week, I can fit in a 20 or 30 minute work out at least 3 times a week, and sitting on my fat arse while people tell me its ok is just not cutting it any more.
I need to make time for me - make time to get my house just that little bit cleaner, to play with my kids just that little bit more, to work on my own body just that little bit more. A step forwards in the right direction, no matter how tiny the step, is still a step towards achieving the result that I want. So instead of bitching that I can't get these things because they seem so far out of reach, I'm just gonna get off my big fat arse - and do it.
Baby steps are still steps. And my favourite - nothing changes, if nothing changes.
(unfortunately this means less time on facebook and forums, but that's probably a really good thing for me anyway...)
And you know what she did? Instead of giving me tea and sympathy like everybody else would because, well, thats what you do right? To make them feel better? You give understanding nods in their direction "oh it must be so difficult with 4", "I don't know how you do it" etc etc - instead - she called me on it. If I want these things to change, I've got to get off my arse and get up and do it. (She didn't say it in those words, but she did go to do my dishes!)
So she grabbed the broom and started sweeping. I started cleaning the kitchen. You get so used to "hosting" someone when they come over, that you forget that its ok to clean and catch up at the same time. That its ok to accept help with housework if the place is a bit messy. So we cleaned together, we chatted together. I cleaned until I realised what the time was and that I needed to pick up Sparrow from school. So she watched the kids for me while I ran up and got him.
She made me realise that even though I sit down every night on the couch and watch tv for a bit of "me" time - I should get on the cross trainer, because, that is ME time. It is working on a better me, so instead of looking at it as just another thing I have to do in this place, its my "me" time and I should be enjoying it instead of dreading it.
With people giving me tea and sympathy - even with Elf Man saying "oh you're not fat" when clearly I freakin' am - it gives me opportunity to have excuses. To give myself a bit of slack. The old "I've just had a baby thats why I'm fat".. NO. NO MEL. My baby is 1 next week, I can fit in a 20 or 30 minute work out at least 3 times a week, and sitting on my fat arse while people tell me its ok is just not cutting it any more.
I need to make time for me - make time to get my house just that little bit cleaner, to play with my kids just that little bit more, to work on my own body just that little bit more. A step forwards in the right direction, no matter how tiny the step, is still a step towards achieving the result that I want. So instead of bitching that I can't get these things because they seem so far out of reach, I'm just gonna get off my big fat arse - and do it.
Baby steps are still steps. And my favourite - nothing changes, if nothing changes.
(unfortunately this means less time on facebook and forums, but that's probably a really good thing for me anyway...)
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