Thursday, 5 January 2012

Socially awkward moron

I am one.  I admit it quite freely (and honestly) that I am an awkward, quiet, sometimes stuttering pile of poo when talking to people that I don't know well, or haven't met before.  Even if I've been talking to them online for ages, meeting up IRL is very hard for me, way out of my comfort zone.

Since we got here a few weeks ago I have been catching up with a few online friends.  And some have commented that I'm much more quiet in person than I am online.  Which then worries me because I've always said I am exactly the same person online as I am in real life, and I don't want people to think that I have a different persona online than offline - its just that I'm a shy person.  Until you get to know me, and then I can probably quite easily talk your ear off.   I remember many conversations with my friends in tassie that I felt like I was talking TOO much, and they were going to say "for the love of god Mel would you just shut the fuck up for a second and let me finish my sentence!".  (nobody ever did, but I'm sure from time to time they felt like doing it!)

So I admit it - I'm socially awkward.  I rarely know what to say, what to talk about, and I find it difficult to start conversations.  Online its easy, if I don't want to respond to something, I don't have to - or I have time to gather my thoughts and type something.  In person, I'm a mess.  Not to mention if there are a few people there, get me in a group setting and I'm the one sitting in the corner wishing I could join in with everyone else, but not being able to get up and do it.  Its like I'm completely frozen, unable to move, to join in, to participate.  I'm scared people will think I'm not interested in being there, or (god forbid) that I'm a snob who doesn't like them, because that's not going to be true at all.  I'm just shy.  Awkward.  And definitely a moron

So if I am lucky enough to meet anyone else that I know but haven't met yet in real life - please excuse my S.A.M tendencies, and give me a chance to show all of my personality (not just a shadow of it).

(I could have written many things tonight since its been a while, but thought I would stick to that since its on my mind the most.  But in other news, The Baby is waving and clapping hands but still not crawling, Speedy is as mischievous as ever, Coo has a new best friend (my SIL) and is in undies some parts of the day, and Sparrow is enjoying being with his cousins and being full of 'tude.  And my dad who I blogged about last time found out just before we moved that he has leukemia, but will hopefully kick its arse and be in remission soon and back to full health)