I had a good friend over yesterday for a catch up. I moaned about being fat, how messy my house was, how I should be a better mother and do more with the kids. How I just wasn't happy with these things, and I wanted it to be different, but it was so hard.
And you know what she did? Instead of giving me tea and sympathy like everybody else would because, well, thats what you do right? To make them feel better? You give understanding nods in their direction "oh it must be so difficult with 4", "I don't know how you do it" etc etc - instead - she called me on it. If I want these things to change, I've got to get off my arse and get up and do it. (She didn't say it in those words, but she did go to do my dishes!)
So she grabbed the broom and started sweeping. I started cleaning the kitchen. You get so used to "hosting" someone when they come over, that you forget that its ok to clean and catch up at the same time. That its ok to accept help with housework if the place is a bit messy. So we cleaned together, we chatted together. I cleaned until I realised what the time was and that I needed to pick up Sparrow from school. So she watched the kids for me while I ran up and got him.
She made me realise that even though I sit down every night on the couch and watch tv for a bit of "me" time - I should get on the cross trainer, because, that is ME time. It is working on a better me, so instead of looking at it as just another thing I have to do in this place, its my "me" time and I should be enjoying it instead of dreading it.
With people giving me tea and sympathy - even with Elf Man saying "oh you're not fat" when clearly I freakin' am - it gives me opportunity to have excuses. To give myself a bit of slack. The old "I've just had a baby thats why I'm fat".. NO. NO MEL. My baby is 1 next week, I can fit in a 20 or 30 minute work out at least 3 times a week, and sitting on my fat arse while people tell me its ok is just not cutting it any more.
I need to make time for me - make time to get my house just that little bit cleaner, to play with my kids just that little bit more, to work on my own body just that little bit more. A step forwards in the right direction, no matter how tiny the step, is still a step towards achieving the result that I want. So instead of bitching that I can't get these things because they seem so far out of reach, I'm just gonna get off my big fat arse - and do it.
Baby steps are still steps. And my favourite - nothing changes, if nothing changes.
(unfortunately this means less time on facebook and forums, but that's probably a really good thing for me anyway...)