The Coo is 4!

Today is Coo's birthday.  4 years she has been with us now, and I really think she is such a quirky little chicken, much like her name I suppose.

This time 4 years ago she had nearly been with us for 3 hours.   I was recovering from my second c-section, totally out of it and I just wanted to sleep.  I was pretty detached from her, my birth was not supposed to be like that so in that moment I didn't really care that I just had a baby.  I just wanted to sleep.  To go back a few days and do everything possible to get my vbac.

But I was 42 weeks pregnant, placenta was starting to fail and she was working too hard to get oxygen.  So she had to be taken out.  Add to the fact that she was my biggest baby (8 pound, 11.5 oz) and was still floating very high, with the risk of a cord accident - she was born in my least desired way.  It took about 3 years before I didn't cry the night before her birthday, remembering her birth.  This year I didn't cry, however I still get sad thinking about the whole experience.  I'm still not sure why that is.  Maybe I would have bonded better if I had a better birth?

I think there is something very special about my Coo girl, one night I had a terrible headache and she put her hands on my neck and I felt warmth spread all the way up my neck and into my head - and my headache went away.  She's special, complicated, frustrating, loud, a clown, sometimes a bully - but we love her.  And life wouldn't have been the same these last 4 years without her, that's for sure.

Happy birthday Coo.

(She looks very impressed with the $50 she received for her birthday from Aunty Norma and Uncle Philip doesn't she!)

Another semi-rant from me

Here's my rant for the day.  Its not at all interesting, nor that exciting but needs to be said.

Today I went shopping and parked directly opposite to the trolley bay.  So after I had finished loading my car with my ridiculously expensive groceries - I was taking my trolley back and the person who had parked in front of me had left their trolley in their spot.  Seriously people!?  Its directly opposite where our cars are parked and you can't be fucked walking the 10 metres or so to put it back?!  Can you actually get any more lazy?

I don't understand how we are supposed to teach our children to put their toys away once they have finished playing with them, if adults can't even walk 10 metres and put their fucking trolley away once they have finished with it.

So don't worry Random-Person-Who-Was-Parked-In-Front-Of-Me - I put it away for you so nobody would hit their car when they wanted to go into your abandoned car park.

Rant over.

Halfway through the dirty thirties

Yup that's me.  Today I turned 35.  The thought of getting older doesn't scare me, although I do wish my boobs were a bit higher than they are currently located, but meh - I've had 4 kids out of this body its definitely going to have some damaged parts.

I was a bit down in the days leading up to my birthday, my mum had gone down the coast to visit my aunty and uncle (because my step dad wanted to take a trip away) and I thought it was typical that he would take her away right when its my birthday and it means another year gone that I don't get to see her because the other years I have been in Tasmania and couldn't spend time with her.

But - much to my utter delight - she appeared at my door this arvo - taking me completely by surprise.  Everyone kept it a secret from me.

As someone who normally hates surprises - today was awesome.

And the icing on the cake?  I'm wearing a NIN t-shirt that I couldn't fit into when I was in Tassie.  Losing weight is freakin' awesome man.

A not so negative post

Since my last post was somewhat negative, I thought I would come in and say some positive things so people don't think that I hate my family ;)

Sparrow - well what can I say about my little sparrow.  He is SO clever.  His teacher told me on the weekend that he is doing so well with his reading that she will move him up to the next level in the books that he brings home to read every week.  He gets his smarts from me obviously ;)  I also love the way he is so very affectionate towards me - and absolutely loves to have kisses all over his face.  He also adores The Baby, and the bond that they have is a beautiful thing to watch.

Coo - today Coo did a poo in the toilet, instead of the typical one she does in her undies every day.  I'm so very proud of her, even if she thinks it is nothing, and just casually announces she's done a poo in there.  I love the way she is beginning to listen to me and tries to help herself, instead of standing there squealing like she used to do all the time.  She is also starting to be less rough with her siblings during the day, which is most awesome.

Speedy -  ahhh Speedy.  Such a funny little girl, she is brave and independent and wants to give everything a go.  She's the first to try something new to eat and is so very nice to cuddle up to in bed of a night time.  Still very much a baby at 2.5 but tries hard to be a big girl.

The Baby - the one that keeps me up at night, but has the most beautiful spirit.  I still can't believe that I helped create her, she is just amazing and makes me smile every day.  Newly walking, she's proving to be quite a stubborn soul and wants to do everything her way.  She just rocks and I'm so glad that I talked Elf Man into having another baby, even if she wasn't quite what I expected.

Elf Man and I are trying to change our parenting style, we don't like the yelling/screaming thing we currently have going on to try and get them to do what we want, and we are reading books and websites and blogs to help to change this - even though we have been parents for 5 years, we are still learning about the type of parent that we want to be and how best this will benefit our children.

To be the best for our children we have to change ourselves and the way we approach things.  We both need to learn to be more respectful, more tolerant, more accepting.  Its hard, but changing something is better than changing nothing and realising 40 years down the track that you should have changed things when you had the chance.

Some days are just hard

Some days as a stay at home mum are hard.  Most people don't understand it, they think I should feel extremely blessed and honoured to be able to stay at home with my babies to watch them grow.  Some of the time that is true, but the real honest truth - most of the time it isn't.

Some days, like today, are hard.  But it seems like we can't complain about it, or else we are judged.  Well, I'm complaining.

If I was at work and I had a shit day, I would be allowed to complain about it.  I bet nobody would say oh, but you are so lucky to have a job to complain about.  But it seems with children that you can't complain about how hard they are, because you are being ungrateful for what you have been given.

I challenge anyone to spend a day in my life and deal with the crap that is thrown at me all the time and not get a little frustrated.

And I say crap, because it is crap.  I don't really care who judges me on my parenting any more, because I'm not going to make anyone happy with the way that I do it.  Either I'm too hard or I'm too bloody soft, but fuck it, the kids are screwed up and I'm doing a fucked up job.

Things build up from the moment I open my eyes and the kids are either all whinging in my bed about who is their daddy (my daddy, no its MY daddy, NO ITS MY DADDY, fucking fantastic at 6am), or 10 minutes later about the colour of their sippy cup.  Nobody wants to give in and just take a cup, everyone has a specific colour they want, and if its not available all hell breaks loose.  All before 6.30am.  This isn't just one child complaining - this is 3.  No doubt it will be 4 when the baby develops a certain preference for colour.

Then you have the fighting, teasing, hitting - then the food wars.  My most hated phrase at the moment?  I'm hungry.  I hear it all. fucking. day.  Doesn't matter if they have just eaten, they'll come out while they are still eating and say they are hungry.  Then they will take a piece of fruit, have a few bites, and then chuck it if they notice their sibling grabbing some other type of fruit that looks better than what they have.

So thats breakfast finished.  So its about.. oooh.. 8am?

I think its ok to say that most days, I don't enjoy what I'm living at the moment.  I'm trying to - I really am - but I don't want to be the screaming/yelling mum, and its so easy to revert back to that since thats all I have been around for most of my life.  If you don't know different, its hard to see it in a different way.

We have our most hated times in the day - mine has to be the after school pick up.  I hate it with all the four kids - I have Speedy refusing to get into the pram in the first place but I can't let her go free, last time I did that she ran across the road without looking because she was running away from me.  So I have to fight to put her in there.  I have to fight with Coo about her shoes, they are uncomfortable, her feet hurt, wait I need to pick a flower - all little things to get on my nerves while I'm rushing to Sparrow's classroom.  Not her fault I know that, but this happens every single day.  So I don't have a lot of patience to deal with it.  Then once I have Sparrow, the girls run off and want to play on the equipment.  Then its a fight to get Speedy back into the pram.  Then a fight to get all kids into the car, nobody seems to like sitting in their car seat.

Some days - everything is hard.  Everything is harder than it really should be.  Everything is harder than I expected it to be, even the fucking garage door is screwing me over at the moment with its refusal to open most of the time with the remote.  Today the car door decided to not open for me as well.

All these little things add up and of a night time I wonder what the hell I am doing, I must be doing something wrong or every one else is just exaggerating about how much they really enjoy their days at home with their kids.

Cos with a 5 year old, nearly 4 year old, 2.5 year old and 14 month old - it really sucks most days.

But thats right - I can't complain, I have to be grateful for what I have been given.  I am grateful, I just wish at least ONE of my FOUR children would sleep through the night, go to bed on their own, or do what is asked the first ten times I ask......

I hate being late

I hate being late. I really really hate running late.  I remember when I was a little kid and mum was always running late, and I could never understand it. Everywhere we went, mum would greet the person "sorry we're late!" And she still runs late too btw, we always tell her we need her somewhere at least 15 minutes before she actually is needed in the hope she will be there on time.

Anyway, so I've grown up with not wanting to be like her - and it turns out I am like her.  But, I swear, its not my fault, its my children and the universe conspiring against me.

The other day I was running late for picking Sparrow up from school.  I had picked up my stuff and ready to get in the car on time but of course - Speedy had done a poo and needed to be changed.  So I changed her quickly and shoved her and Coo into the car in record time.  Then, I had to wake The Baby and surprise surprise - she had done a poo too!  So another nappy change, and we're out the door, 5 minutes late.

Then one other day I went to visit my friend.  Had my plan in mind, go drop off Sparrow at school, pick up a doll toy from a person in the same suburb, go back home drop off Elf Man and then I'll be up at my friend's house by 10am.  Of course, as the universe would have it, Elf Man didn't have the money to give the person, so a side trip to a servo to get petrol as well as extra money, and then back home to drop him off added an extra 15 minutes onto my trip.

And then of course - a family of ducks crossing my street also held me up.  Seriously - ducks.  Like what the hell universe!! I'm trying not to be my mother and you're making it practically impossible to NOT be like her!!!

So there it is - my name is Mel and I'm a late-aholic.  Of course its not my fault, its the children.

Step by step

Step by step life is improving.

I can feel the connection growing stronger between the kids and I. Plus, I'm being a better pet parent too - Pepdog has gone on a walk with me (a miracle really!) and I brushed one of the cats today. His fur was so bunched up he had dreads. Yup my cat has cooler hair than me!

My house is cleaner, I'm calmer, exercising a little bit and being a more attentive wife. Well ok, I don't listen enough but I have given him a few massages!

It's amazing how much you can give of yourself without the distractions of other people's problems (that probably sounds much worse than I'm meaning it to!)

Life is pretty good :)

Oh and happy 65th birthday to my mummy today xx