The addict in me

I'm an addict.  Not to anything remotely exciting or anything worthy of juicy gossip unfortunately.

I was a smoker once.  Smoked for 8 years, then went cold turkey and quit.  It was hard but I did it.  I then replaced that habit with another habit - eating.  Now to no surprise, I'm overweight.  I got addicted to buying nappies.  I still have to fight against that all the time.  I also buy carriers - a lot.

I'm an addict to the online world.  Facebook in particular.

So I'm quitting the online world.  I've already left a forum, and now I'm about to deactivate my facebook profile. Not because anyone has hurt me, or pissed me off - because I'm addicted to it.  I'm tired of my children having access to only a part of me - they deserve all of me.  They deserve a mum who spends all of her time with them, with her full focus on them because their childhood is going so quickly.  Sparrow is nearly 5 - so will be going to school next year full time, and I think I was a better mum when he was a baby because my whole focus was on him.  I wasn't part of a forum, and I didn't have a facebook profile.  The only thing I did online at that time was see what was on tv that week, or buy things on ebay.

So my focus is going to be on them for a change.  I'm going to listen more, and talk less.  I'm going to hug more.  Instead of pushing them away from me, I'm going to embrace them.  I am going to be one of those mums who sit down with their kids and read books to them during the day, not just before bed.  I'm going to sing songs with them, play playdoh with them, play hide and seek with them - I'm going to make them my new addiction.

I want to know them, not just what their favourite colour is (Sparrow's is orange btw, Coo's is green) but actually know them.  Instead of looking over them or trying to see through them - I'm going to look at them.
I'm not sure how long my self ban will last - might be one week, one month - I'm not sure yet.  I'll be back when I feel the time is right.

It's going to be hard - but I'm going to try my very best.  Everything I do is for them.  Just as it should be.


p.s. this obviously doesn't include my blogging activities when all the children are in bed at night ;)