Today I caught up with my dad. We don't catch up often, I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen him since I moved to tassie, and he only lives an hour away. I don't have the best relationship with my dad, for years I hated him, hated him for not having any contact with us, hated him for not loving me, hated him for walking away from his kids - divorcing us as well as my mum.
My time down here has taught me that he does love me, and any issues that he has towards showing it, are his alone. Much like my awkwardness in showing my kids I suppose, if you're not shown love, its hard to show love. So instead of focusing on what I don't have (a close relationship, time with his grandkids etc etc) I'm going to cherish what he does give me of himself. I know its difficult for him to take the time to come and see us, because of his current wife and what he has to live with.
So thanks Dad, thanks for coming up and seeing us today. Thanks for taking me to see Nan's grave, paying my respects before I leave the state.
Bye Nan, I miss you.
Then I took some other pictures of my Dad with the kids and myself. They aren't the greatest, but they are all I have. Who knows when I will see him again - depends on whether he follows through with coming to see us all in Queensland!
Speedy didn't want to participate in photos today, she's too busy getting her molars instead.
I've dropped my expectations of what I think a father should be, to try and make my dad live up to that isn't fair, I wouldn't want him to have certain expectations of me, I'm my own person and he should accept me for who I am and what I bring to his life.
Same as what I will now do for him.
And even though you're a hell crazy driver Dad - stay safe down here in Tassie, try to see your brother a bit, and remember that I love you.