When I first started this blog, I wasn't sure what direction that I was going to take it in. If I was going to be one of those blogs that sprouted off about things I was passionate about so everyone could read my opinion, or if I would make it like a daily diary of my life type of thing. I don't think I want to sprout off my opinions. I mean really - who cares what I think about home birth, breastfeeding, formula, vaccinations, or any of the other subjects out there bound to cause arguments on forums. Would my opinion really matter in the grand scheme of things? Fuck no and I wouldn't expect it to. So I'm not going there.
A daily diary? Well, with all days being like groundhog day, I wouldn't imagine it would be an enthralling read for anyone. That's assuming people actually read this....
So I think this blog is just going to be about me. About my growth as a parent - and a reflection of my "lightbulb" moments that I have from time to time. But with the good, comes the bad. I'm also going to be open and honest about my bad days, because does anyone really say how shit their day was? Its like its a taboo subject, my word, for the love of God, never admit that sometimes you have days where you can quite honestly kick your children in the shins for being shit heads! (ok, so not in the shins, but you get my point......)
Today, was one of those totally fucked up days that you wish you had been totally stoned and oblivious to the shit falling down around you. From my wake up at 3am and then back to sleep by 5am and up again by 6am - it was quite honestly - fucked up.
All the kids had their whingy pants on. I know people around me know about my "fucked up Thursday" thing I've got goin' on, we always seem to have a rougher day on Thursday than any other day of the week. So to start off by being so bloody tired, sick with a stupid head cold and cough AND a raging headache, I knew this was going to be bad.
And bad it was. Everywhere I turned today there was a whingy child, or two. Even when I had company, I had both Speedy and Coo wanting to sit on my lap at the same time. When the company left, I tried feeding The Baby, and a fight broke out between Speedy and Coo beside me, screaming, wailing, hair pulling - the works! It was just ridiculous that all day this shit had been happening. Sparrow belted Speedy across the back several times in the sandpit after she had knocked over his sand castle. I was furious! So even though I was rocking the baby to sleep (and she was nearly asleep) I had to put her down, dash outside, grab Sparrow and chuck him in his room. I was so furious that I didn't trust myself to speak to him, or not hit him, so I hid him from my sight. He then stayed in his room for the next hour, because I was just so angry with him. Usually he hits her only once, but to hit her several times, it was horrible to see.
So that was a major part of my crap day. Lots of whinging. Lots of bad behaviour. Speedy is one of those kids that you have to keep your eye on, she likes to play in the toilet (even if pee and poo is in there, and it quite often is since Sparrow forgets to flush most of the time after he goes), she likes to play in the cat litter (usually used), she climbs on everything, gets into everything, throws stuff around the room (today it was the pencils from the container, we have heaps of them and it was done several times even though I was telling her not to do it!), she is just a really full on child. Add her tantrums to that, and you have one child that demands your attention at all times of the day. And its just impossible to give her that with 3 other children, all demanding your attention as well.
Today I was stretched to my limit and I admit that I didn't cope very well. I yelled. At times I screamed at them. I spoke in a very low, very slow tone at my most furious because I felt like I wanted to rip their heads off. It was frustrating, and infuriating - and I absolutely hate that I wanted to walk out at one stage. Just get up and walk, and keep on walking.
These days don't happen all the time - which is good - cos they suck balls.
Let's hope tomorrow will be better, cos fuck me, I don't think it can get worse.
P.s. Happy birthday to my SIL Janine. See you soon lovely.
P.s.s. I'm really really bad with dates, the worst person ever - so I totally forgot about my friend Selina's gorgeous baby girl, Adele, turning 6 months yesterday. That makes 6 months exclusively breastfeeding for my beautiful friend. And she is thriving on her mumma's milk - and I'm very proud of you, my awesome friend!
Here is a pic of the gorgeous baby girl and The (skinny - thrivin' on my skim milk, no full cream here!) Baby just hangin' out.....
So cheers to you Selina, you freakin' rock.