Saturday, 26 November 2011

Hello teacher?

Lately we have been watching home movies of us, mainly when Sparrow was young.

It struck me the other day how different I am now. Watching those movies you would swear that I was a pretty cruisy mum, who played on the floor with her toddler, who said "whoops" if he dropped something - and if he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing - he got a lesson as to why not to do it, not just "don't do that", "stop it", "get away from her".

I'm afraid that the more children I had as time went by, the less I taught. The more angry I became. Less tolerant of mess, instead of "whoops" it's now usually "oh FFS why did you do that!?"

This is not the mother I want to be. It's not fair my children suffer through my bad moods because I'm tired. It's not their fault I'm sick. It's not their fault that we are moving so I'm stressed out up to my freakin eyeballs.

None of what makes me a shitty mum has to do with them. Yes they may do the wrong things, but unless I teach instead of just telling them off - how will they learn?

I can't really control their behaviour, as much as the control freak inside of me would love to. But I can control my reactions to their behaviour.

Thank you universe in advance for giving me a fresh start tomorrow - and the next day if necessary.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life - for me.


  1. I spent several years being a totally shit mother, screaming banshee and totally losing the plot over simple stuff. It only took the end of my marriage, an almost nervous breakdown (though the verdict is still out as to how close I came on that one lol) and a fantastic support network of awesome friends who let me say it like it was and didn't judge me, just told me to keep on going and remind me that I was doing the best I could and that every day is a new day.

    You are awesome, and becoming more and more aware of who you are each day - that is an empowering thing and only the brave dare try it. Even when we have had a good day, the next day is still a fresh start.

    You rock.

  2. Good Luck!! It's always hard to change behaviour that has become entrenched, but talking about it and thinking about it, is defintitely a wise first step. You're doing great I'm sure!